Something struck me last weekend, when the small island on which
\nI live had a community celebration of summer solstice. Scores of
\njoyful little kids darted among the dancing adults, chasing and
\nthrowing beachballs. We were having a great time.<\/p>\n
On the stage in the park were lively musical performances of
\nlocal bands. At the tongue-in-cheek fashion show of local
\nnon-models wearing silly, recycled clothing, the crowd delighted
\nin the women’s flirtation.<\/p>\n
The whole thing was fun. It’s fun to let loose and play and strut
\nand dance and feel supported taking risks.<\/p>\n
But this other insidious awareness wiggled up from inside. I
\ndidn’t like it. It should have been a clear sign to turn away
\nfrom the thoughts that followed.<\/p>\n
Most of those joyful little kids, I suddenly realized, were boys.
\nWhere were the girls? While the majority of the little boys were
\nfully engaged, most of the little girls held back, looking
\nawkward, but with clear longing to play.<\/p>\n
Almost all the musicians were men. <\/p>\n
In the fashion show, the featured clothing was tight and
\nrevealing.<\/p>\n
Here it is, 2011, in this supposedly progressive community. Is it
\nSTILL true that girls are subtly discouraged from being joyfully
\nin their bodies in any other way than to be cute? Is it STILL
\ntrue that no matter what other value a woman may have, her sex
\nappeal is what really matters? <\/p>\n
For boys and men, are there STILL equally narrow boxes into which
\nthey must fit to be accepted? <\/p>\n
Well?<\/p>\n
And if you don’t happen to fit those ideals?<\/p>\n
Once upon a time–or maybe more than once, someone whose opinion
\nmattered to you probably criticized or made fun of you for some
\nway your body was. True for me, anyway. <\/p>\n
Chances are, you took in the larger cultural ideal of what a body
\nof your age and gender was supposed to be like, and yours didn’t
\nmatch. True for me, anyway.<\/p>\n
Over time, you may have forgotten these events or impressions
\ncoming from the outside. You may have internalized the messages,
\ntelling yourself frequently in some subtle, or not-so-subtle way,
\nthat it’s not okay that you are the way you are. True for me,
\nanyway.<\/p>\n
Many people are not even aware of the level of self-rejection
\nthey practice on a daily basis, and the extent to which they go
\nto hide, cover up, and pretend to be something they aren’t.<\/p>\n
I like to think of myself as pretty self-aware. And sure enough,
\nmore often than I want to admit, I cave to perceived social
\npressure to be some way I think I need to be to be accepted.<\/p>\n
Probably not you, right? \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
When I do it, I get headaches. Sinus infections. An upset
\nstomach. Gas. Back pain. That little patch on my foot itches and
\nerupts into athlete’s foot. <\/p>\n
My body always speaks right up. I can’t get away with any of this
\nposturing around, hanging out with those thoughts that I’m not
\nokay, without getting into trouble.<\/p>\n
The solution? <\/p>\n
Be real. Tell the truth. Be authentic.<\/p>\n
Okay, that sounds like great advice. Does that mean you should
\nshow up for work in your pajamas and tell your boss just what you
\nthink about her irritating habits? Tell your spouse he needs to
\nlose weight to turn you on?<\/p>\n
Unh-unh. No.<\/p>\n
Not that, any more than it would help for you to wag your finger
\nat me and sing-song that it’s my own fault for attracting my
\nproblems.<\/p>\n
Truth, with a capital T, is about your true magnificence, and
\nthat of everyone else. Authenticity is daring to be your full
\nself, and know that that appearance of pimply weakness is only
\ntemporary. <\/p>\n
It’s daring to see the authentic power of that other human being
\nwho is cowering behind the mask of not-enoughness.<\/p>\n
Being real is standing up for yourself, not making excuses. <\/p>\n
It’s insisting on knowing the love in that person who is
\ndesperately trying to control you, and seeing that this is just
\ntemporary fear, instead of buying into his game and reacting
\ndefensively.<\/p>\n
You can feel it when you’re being real. It feels like power,
\nrelief, connection, freedom.<\/p>\n
You deserve it.<\/p>\n
Go ahead. Let yourself be TRUE, AUTHENTIC, REAL.<\/p>\n
What will you do first?<\/p>\n
Me, I’ll remember the joy of those little boys, the exuberance of
\nthat one 12 year old girl playing with every bit as much skill,
\nfun, and determination as any of the boys, my appreciation of all
\nthe musicians, the fun of dancing and playing with the kids, the
\ncourage of those women who dared to strut, how much I love this
\ncommunity of special people all doing their human thing, and the
\nopportunity to do my own.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Something struck me last weekend, when the small island on which I live had a community celebration of summer solstice. Scores of joyful little kids darted among the dancing adults, chasing and throwing beachballs. We were having a great time. On the stage in the park were lively musical performances of local bands. At the… Continue reading Permission to Be Real<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-725","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-health-healing","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/725","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=725"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/725\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":731,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/725\/revisions\/731"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=725"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=725"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=725"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}