The other day I was having dinner with a therapist
\nfriend who doesn\u2019t share my views about the power of
\nthe non-physical aspect of the self. She\u2019s a realist,
\nshe says. Interested in the tangible, here-and-now. The
\nmind, from her view, arises from the brain. God is a
\ncreation of humanity. What can\u2019t be seen isn\u2019t real.<\/p>\n
She argued that my beliefs about quantum physics are
\nbased on information that\u2019s controversial\u2014there are
\nscientists who disagree, and have evidence to back
\ntheir positions.<\/p>\n
It was interesting to hear her perspective, because for
\nsuch a long time I\u2019ve surrounded myself with people who
\nbelieve as I do, or I\u2019ve avoided this topic with those
\nI knew held religious views that differed from my own. <\/p>\n
I learned decades ago that it\u2019s pretty pointless to
\nargue with scientists to \u201cprove\u201d that God, or any other
\nnon-physical power is real. Science is its own
\nreligion, with its own set of unprovable premises.
\nThese are all unprovable, as far as I can see: <\/p>\n
– that there is objective truth that can
\n be discovered on the basis of evidence.<\/p>\n
– that it is possible to remove all bias
\n from scientific experiments.<\/p>\n
– that there is some method that can be
\n done by, or observed by humans, that is
\n free from influence by anyone involved. <\/p>\n
Eventually I asked her about her beliefs about herself.
\nDid she believe that they were simply the product of
\nher brain, based solely on her genes and conditioning,
\nwithout any possibility of her intervention or choice? <\/p>\n
In this case, what is the point of therapy? <\/p>\n
Is it just to learn to live with our limiting beliefs?
\n(Personally, I find that discovering and accepting our
\nlimiting beliefs is the first step to peace and change,
\neven if we weren\u2019t aiming to change them!)<\/p>\n
She agreed with me that beliefs can change, and that
\nshe is in charge of choosing her own beliefs now, even
\nif their roots were with her conditioning.<\/p>\n
Since we could think of no way to prove that beliefs
\nare not creative–that they are not self-fulfilling
\nprophecies, and she agreed that she is the one who
\nchooses her own beliefs, I had a question.<\/p>\n
Why would you choose to believe something
\n about yourself that is painful, stressful,
\n anxiety-producing, and interferes with
\n what you want in your life?<\/p>\n
Why, indeed.<\/p>\n
So, I\u2019m going to ask you the same question.<\/p>\n
When you look at your intentions for yourself, whether
\nthey are New Year\u2019s resolutions, to-do lists,
\n\u201cshoulds,\u201d themes, or goals, and you honestly answer
\nthe question of WHY you intend to do each of these
\nthings, how often is the true underlying answer based
\non a painful, stressful, anxiety-producing belief that
\nif creative, would interfere with what you want in your
\nlife?<\/p>\n
And, why would you continue to choose those beliefs?<\/p>\n
Here are some examples. <\/p>\n
1. Mary wants to lose 30 pounds. She says it\u2019s because
\n she wants to enjoy her body and life more. But
\n underneath is the belief that as she is, she\u2019s
\n disgusting and unacceptable. <\/p>\n
If that belief is creative, it will produce the
\n result that no matter what she action she takes,
\n she will find herself disgusting and unacceptable. <\/p>\n
Will losing 30 pounds give her the experience of
\n satisfaction and self-acceptance she really wants?
\n And, what effect will that belief have on her
\n success with her new diet and exercise program?<\/p>\n
2. Scott wants to make lots of money in real estate
\n investing. With all that money, he’ll be able to
\n be a generous sponsor of community programs, be a
\n mentor to others, be the king of his own domain. <\/p>\n
He says he\u2019s really enjoying learning all about
\n this new business, loves the promise of all the
\n money he\u2019ll make, loves the excitement of engaging
\n with all the people. It\u2019s worth losing sleep,
\n forgetting about meditating and healthy eating.
\n The money he’ll make is going to solve all his
\n problems! <\/p>\n
But underneath, Scott is using his new mentor and
\n training program to feed his need for attention,
\n importance, excitement and fantasy, because his
\n real belief is that he doesn\u2019t really deserve to
\n have money. <\/p>\n
If that belief is creative, it will produce the
\n result that no matter what action he takes, he
\n will continue to push money away because he
\n believes he doesn\u2019t deserve to have it. <\/p>\n
Will his new real estate investing program ever
\n give him any more than the perpetual promise of
\n lots of money that never comes, or never stays?<\/p>\n
3. Erin intends to solve her allergy problem. She
\n is going to be heroic and flawless in avoiding
\n all the offending foods and substances, get all
\n her amalgam fillings removed, do a major
\n cleansing program. <\/p>\n
But underneath, Erin feels very insecure and
\n anxious because she believes the world is full
\n of dangers, and that her particular body is
\n genetically vulnerable.<\/p>\n
If that belief is creative, it will produce the
\n result that no matter how much effort she puts
\n into avoiding and removing dangerous things, she
\n will keep finding that the world is full of
\n dangers to which she feels inescapably vulnerable. <\/p>\n
Will her new efforts give her the feelings of
\n wellness, freedom and security she really wants?<\/p>\n
None of this implies that the efforts of our friends
\nMary, Scott, and Erin are wasted. Often, the power of
\norganized action increases one\u2019s confidence to the
\npoint that one gains the courage to acknowledge and
\nchallenge those underlying beliefs.<\/p>\n
The point is that the real power to experience what you
\ntruly want lies in your beliefs.<\/p>\n
When Mary recognizes that what she really wants is to
\nfeel satisfied and acceptable, she asks herself, \u201cwhat
\nbeliefs would a person have to have in order to feel
\nsatisfied and acceptable?\u201d<\/p>\n
When Scott recognizes that what he really wants is to
\nfeel is important, engaged, powerful, and excited about
\nhis life, he asks himself, \u201cwhat beliefs would a person
\nhave to have in order to feel important, engaged,
\npowerful, and excited about his life?\u201d<\/p>\n
When Erin recognizes that what she really wants is to
\nfeel is safe, she asks herself, \u201cwhat beliefs would a
\nperson have to have in order to feel safe?\u201d<\/p>\n
Instead of telling you their answers, I\u2019m going to
\nleave you with the questions. If they are relevant to
\nyou, I invite you to answer them yourself.<\/p>\n
In a few days, I\u2019ll tell you about something that then
\ncould help you get from any beliefs of yours that are
\nstanding in your way to those you would have to have to
\nfeel the way you really want to feel.<\/p>\n
In the meantime, enjoy pondering your answers!<\/p>\n
With love and appreciation,
\nDr. Alexandra Gayek<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The other day I was having dinner with a therapist friend who doesn\u2019t share my views about the power of the non-physical aspect of the self. She\u2019s a realist, she says. Interested in the tangible, here-and-now. The mind, from her view, arises from the brain. God is a creation of humanity. What can\u2019t be seen… Continue reading What Arises from What?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-876","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-health-healing","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=876"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":908,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876\/revisions\/908"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=876"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=876"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/happyhealthsystem.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=876"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}