HOW TO BUILD COURAGE
Those of us past the age of two have probably
experienced things not working out the way we wish they
had.
Maybe you’re the exception?
If you’ve taken what felt like big risks–trusted in
your ability to detect bright opportunities despite the
doubts of others around you–maybe they’ve always
panned out for you.
Maybe you’ve never lost a lot of money in an
investment.
Maybe your relationships have all been fun and
rewarding, and you’ve never had a broken heart.
Maybe you’ve never gotten injured in some physical
activity that others thought was dangerous, or
never gotten sick when you’ve exposed yourself to
others who were.
Me, I’m what I’ve decided to call “adventurous.” It
takes the sting out of having had plenty of experiences
that–at least at the time–felt like terrible losses,
big mistakes, stupid decisions, humiliating failures.
Yup, I’ve trusted thieves, believed in scams, put my
faith in liars, and tried hard to get love from people
who weren’t available to give it.
And plenty of times, I’ve found myself without an ounce
of courage to pick myself up and face future
possibility instead of staring at past failure.
Fortunately, I’ve learned some things about building
courage.
The definition of courage that helps me is “willingness
to turn one’s attention toward opportunities for
encouragement despite the size, frequency, or intensity
of opportunities for discouragement.”
To build courage is simply to practice turning your
attention toward opportunities for encouragement, no
matter what.
Opportunities for encouragement might be writing or
talking to yourself. They might be reading something
positive. Or, calling a friend who’s good at reminding
you that your discouragement is only the temporary
result of you obsessing about things you don’t want.
I like to reframe my situation with humor, whenever I
possibly can. I just widen back and imagine the comical
story I’ll be able to tell about myself later. Or make
faces in the mirror.
Even better than focusing on myself is to find someone
else to appreciate.
It’s tempting sometimes to pull ourselves up by finding
others who need encouragement, and offering it to them.
Unfortunately, this can result in a habit of “rescuing”
others in order to feel good about ourselves.
That can quickly create a sticky pattern of reinforcing
the neediness of others, rather than really lifting
everyone by appreciating their strengths, talents, good
deeds, and wins. Go for the win-win!
Is there a situation you’re in, in which courage is
required?
Here’s me, cheeering for you: Take heart! You can do
it!
Your thoughts?
I really enjoy your articles and thoughts. Thank you so much for the video by Kelly McGonigal – certainly changed my thinking about how stress affects our physical bodies.
love this!–thank you.
andrea
I recently quit a dream project I was working on – one which ticked all the boxes in terms of money, interest, proximity to home, hours of work, etc. – for reasons I couldn’t (and still can’t) quite identify. There were a couple of things going on that made me feel uncomfortable, and while I could have rationalized my concerns and stayed on, I have learned to trust my instincts. My family understood, some of my friends thought I was crazy and I don’t yet know what I am to do next.
This is not the first time I’ve leaped into the unknown – it is a little scary watching my bank balance go down, but experience tells me I can trust the Universe. I know that being courageous takes energy and constant monitoring of my thoughts so I don’t slip into a downward spiral of negativity. And yes, it takes humor.
So I am doing a lot of inner work, relaxing, being kind to myself and observing the world around me without, for the most part, any judgement or fear, while I watch to see what happens next. Life is good.
Thank you for the opportunity to express this, and for cheering for me!
Sumitra, I’m following you on that road. I liked so much your comments, specially this part: “being kind to myself”. I think I’m judging myself too hard – me and my family are suffering the consequences of some decisions I made a few years ago, decisions that I thought they were the best ones at the time. But I’m still thinking that I’m right – I’m a little bit frustrated. But I’m confident that this Universe will finally respond to my questions and needs – there’s no other way for me. Thanks for your encouraging words !
Loved thisTED Talk on making stress your friend – took lots of notes.
I just wrote a chapter in Pathways to Vibrant Health and Wellbeing – talking about overcoming stage 4 cancer in my lungs, liver and uterus – by thinking positively about everything – stress and even cancer – as my best friend. I went from debilitating pain to high energy in just a few months using this, support of friends and family,as well as nutrients, alkaline live-it (not di-et), biomat, acupuncture and exercise.
Thank you Kelly and Dr. A!
Cheri
Dear Cheri,
I just saw your post this morning. Where can we read the chapter you wrote? I can hardly wait!
Alexandra