I have the belief that when we “die,” we experience a
rapid burst of unimaginable joyful, infinite expansion.
Free of all the lenses of our physical identities, the
limited perspective we can grasp with our physical
bodies, it must be like an explosion of the senses—-but
in an ultimately peaceful way.
I felt that burst just after my father “died.”
I also believe in eternal life, which is why I put
quotation marks around the word “died.” I believe we
all lived before our current adventure of having a
body, and that we’ll continue living when our
experience with this body is complete.
It makes me feel better to believe there’s
no scarcity of life.
I believe that while we’re here in our bodies during
this lifetime, part of each of us is simultaneously
fully alive in the world beyond the physical. And, our
continued life after this lifetime isn’t just up there
in the ethers, but is intensely involved here in the
physical realm.
I like thinking that all those dearly
departed ones haven’t departed at all.
They are right here with us, closer
than ever, and experiencing the
physical world through our eyes, ears,
skin, nose, and tastebuds.
But when I look back over these past two years that
have included the sudden and unexpected completion of
the lifetime of my sweetheart, and that of 11 other
dear friends and beloved family members—including nine
in the past three months, I’d have to admit that the
emotion that best sums up my actual feelings is…
confusion and disorientation.
The little kid in me keeps wanting to know,
“WHERE DID THEY GO???
I am, after all, pretty attached to being in my body in
this lovely, sensual physical world, and I liked it
better when those people were all here to touch and
talk to and sing and laugh with.
But, like it or not, the best sense I can make of it is
to view all this “death” as but an invitation to live
more fully and largely. If I am a conduit through which
those dear to me can continue to experience the
richness of physical life, then I might as well enjoy
it exponentially more.
And, if they are the opening through which I can
remember to experience the full majesty of the
nonphysical world, then I might as well ride my
feelings of love to the heights and breadth of the
world they inhabit.
I like to think we all help each other
in this way: we all really live in both
worlds, and are all enriched by the
perspective of those primarily focused
in the “opposite” world. We can
celebrate all the life there is on both
sides of the veil.
There’s one more part that I arrived at last week, in
the throes of grief over the most recent passage.
That part is what I had thought of as my selfish desire
to keep people close to me even when they were
suffering. My world is rich because of the people in
it, I thought. I didn’t want to feel the poverty of a
world empty of them in their familiar forms–suffering
or not.
But what I was doing was using other people as my
vehicle for connecting with my own joy. In clinging to
them, I was in a sense imprisoning all of us. If “you”
have to stay in a particular form in order for me to be
happy, then I deprive you of freedom, and myself of
happiness.
So, I decided to allow the people I love
to be free to come and go in whatever
form they choose.
Something lifted, and I feel happy and free. I’m not
frozen in dread of when the next one will go. When a
wave of grief comes, I can remember that the pain is
because I’ve been invited to expand into a new knowing
of the dear one, and I’m not willing to let go of my
limited old view of the person.
I can remember that I feel this way because I love and
am loved by that person. And I can turn and share that
love with you.
Your thoughts?
Omgoddess… Dr. Alexandra… you have been really been thru a LOT recently.
Thank you so very much for sharing your grief and your growth with us.
Wonderful and sweet lessons here.
Gratitude.
Very good and very timely for me. My beloved left this life a few months ago and in my grief I have felt both bereft and absolutely sure that he is traveling somewhere. This post is perfect in helping me to align my beliefs (similar to yours) with the raw pain of loss. He is free, he is joyous and he is alive in a way that I don’t understand. Yet.
You know, there have been moments of feeling like it’s not fair. They got to go to this wonderful place and are free, and I’m left holding the bag. That’s when I have to remind myself that I can have it all–both the freedom in the wonderful place AND the physical body with all the senses, and the choice about what I do with my attention, where I go with my mind.
That’s the art of life, learning how to manage one’s attention so it is directed for the best, richest, most joyful life.
WE live our whole lives knowing that like every other living thing, we will die, so it should come as no surprise when it happens. In the same way that belief in a powerful, supernatural being who protects us, loves us helps people live in a world that is incomprehensible, I believe reincarnation is a human design to help us feel that there is something waiting for us in the end and therefore make life seem less daunting.
Rather than focus on the end, remembering that the statistical probability of our birth makes us scarce (as individuals) and making the most of this great opportunity is what I do. Given all the spermatazoons that died when ours led to conception, we should feel special.
Alex, I’m sorry to hear you have had such a bad period for losing loved ones.
What a gift! Thank you for sharing this priceless perspective, Alexandra. Just beautiful. A huge hug to you. Love from Thea
Thank You Dr. Gayek!
I hand copied this so I could share it with a friend I met with this evening.
I would like to share it with most everyone that I feel would be receptive.
I had profound experience in October when my sister crossed exactly one
month after my birthday. (Needless to say I will always remember the date!)
I have a blog on this: http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=2126675
In case linking to the blog is not happening for a reader I’ll just say that
the last thing my sister had communicated to me (before she crossed) was:
“I am gathering universal love to send my love to you.” I had not heard her
say anything like that to me before. It impressed and interested me in
knowing more about what seemed to me to have possibly been some kind
of expansion in her Heart Center. Although I did not get to pursue that with
her as soon as I learned of her crossing I immediately was reminded of
her “gathering universal love”! Her message immediately became most
meaningful to me! I began singing it! It permeated my consciousness! Life
has not been the same for me since and neither has death!
I have great affinity with you Dr. Gayek in virtually everything that you
have shared with us in regards to the idea of “death”. Consciousness is not
limited! However, concepts typically are!
Then one month after my sister crossed and on the day after Thanksgiving
my father crossed! That was a surprise! (Last I new he was thinking he’d
\live to be at least 90.) I fortunately gained insight into my grief. I saw that I
had an unexpressed hope that he and I could spend a easy day or so
together and have a real dialogue. It wasn’t like I didn’t have communications
with him over the years, only that I wanted to feel I was being heard and
not like I am primarily being his devoted attentive listener most all of the
time. Realizing a substantial portion of my “grief’ was a relief for me! Just to
express that. Then after that I had the awareness of his unique presence as a kind of witness in my life and also I’ve noticed certain strengths that he had his power of love for one suddenly were part of me! Just writing that in this moment realized a
power surge as if he just gave me a bug heart hug!
My life is forever changed! Love truly is the greatest, especially when it can be
groked from the other side!
Dear Chef Jem,
It’s amazing, isn’t it, what we get to experience when we open up our perspectives to more possibilities about the “other side!” Hooray for feeling his presence and that big hug you felt!
You know, you can still talk to your father. My guess is you would have all his attention. 🙂
Alexandra
Hi Alexandra,
Thank you for all you do, and thank you for your words on the pre-mortal life, this life, and the life that continues after this one! I have always believed these things, and you have added to those beliefs some new insights and aha moments! I knew we were all connected, but when you said they may live through us, so we need to live more fully, well, that does put a new perspective to living our lives more fully doesn’t it??!!
Thank you so much,
Carol:)
Hi Carol,
It’s a wild idea, isn’t it, about others living through us? Years ago I had thought I’m the eyes and ears of God, but this makes it so much more personal, doesn’t it? It’s kind of the logical extension of the belief that when we’re not focused in our own physical lives, we have no sense at all of separation from that great Oneness. The part that makes it okay with me is that my beloved dearly departeds have now shed all the limiting lenses that made them critical, judgmental, unhappy, sad, worried, etc while they were living in their human identities. When I think of all of us as pure energy, 100% love and delight and assistance with my own expansion and fulfillment of my dreams, it feels wonderful to be joined by all of them. When I think of them from my limited view of their human identities, and myself in MY limited human identity, then it feels creepy that “others” would get to live through me. Perspective is so important!
The question I’m pondering now is this: if the greater part of me is nonphysical, in who else’s life experience is that part now involved? I mean, if when my mother “died,” she became more available to me because she wasn’t involved in her own physical life. But when she gathers her focus to be involved in another human lifetime of her own, I imagine the nonphysical part of her is still involved in my life, and those of others she loved while she was in that incarnation. So that would mean that even while I’m in my current lifetime, the nonphysical part of me is still involved with those I loved in previous incarnations. I know people talk about soul groups who remain involved with each others lives from lifetime to lifetime, and in between. I’m not sure about that, but I suppose there is some comfort in the idea that I’m part of some tribe. If this is “true,” I wonder what it has to do with living people to whom I’m attracted, or with whom I’m involved now. (By “true,” I mean I understand that we’re purely in the world of belief here, and that whatever idea any of us has about it is just what works for us. So, I’m pondering what belief feels the best and prompts me to thrive.)
Usually, when I put these questions out and then let them go, some version of answers comes to me. I’ve learned that the letting go part is critical. As Einstein said (wasn’t he the one who said this?) you can’t find the answer at the same level as the question.
What have you found works for you?
Alexandra