I’ve said for years that any of us can withstand almost
unlimited pain in the present moment–if it’s limited
to this second. The problem comes when we can point to
a cause we don’t control–especially if it brings
anger, shame, or fear–, we don’t believe we have the
power to make it stop, and we believe that it will
continue beyond “now.”
Usually this is because we associate the pain with an
injury, traumatic event, illness, and/or diagnosis.
Experts we trust, along with our past experience in our
own bodies and experience with people we know who’ve
had similar problems, reinforce our expectation of the
pain continuing or recurring.
There’s often some physical proof of the injury or
illness beyond our pain and memory of past events and
symptoms. It might be scars, swelling, a differently
shaped bone or joint. It might be an MRI, CT scan,
x-ray, blood test showing some abnormality that
supports the diagnosis and explains the pain.
When there isn’t an explanation, we often find
ourselves putting a lot of attention on the pain while
we keep seeking help from someone who can provide an
explanation that proves we aren’t crazy, aren’t making
it up.
Unfortunately, the side effect of this effort for
validation feeds the pain.
Why is this?
Shockingly, there’s little correlation between chronic
pain and the physical aspects of the body that are
supposedly causing it. This is frustrating for those
who look only as far as the body for the cause and cure
of the pain.
When we are willing to look beyond the body, we
sometimes find interesting things.
Sometimes, deep inside, we don’t really want to do that
thing the pain prevents us from doing. The pain serves
us. For example, if you’ve had 20 years of disability
with others taking care of you, it would be normal to
fear having to get a job, support yourself, and be
responsible for managing your household.
Sometimes, the painful condition makes us feel
important. Even if we don’t want to admit it, maybe all
the attention we get from medical professionals, family
and friends feels good. Maybe it fills our loneliness
or hunger to feel special. How would those needs get
met without the painful condition?
Sometimes, it’s regret, guilt, grief, or disappointment
we’re feeling when the pain is most intense, and we
can’t let go of the idea that we should have done
things differently, and that we somehow deserve
punishment or that it’s right to suffer.
Sometimes, even when we know it hurts more when we’re
angrily blaming someone for something done years ago,
we don’t want to let go of the anger or blame because
we think it somehow protects us.
It’s all okay. No one is going to force you to give up
your diagnosis, your memories, your expectations, your
needs, your fears, your suffering, your anger.
But what if there were a way other than pain to feel
smart, courageous, validated, free, powerful,
important, forgiven, safe, and loved?
WHAT IF YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH CHRONIC PAIN?
Even if you feel 100% sure that your pain has a clear
physical cause with no association at all with any
mental, emotional, or spiritual component, there’s a
good chance that if you’re reading this, you’re at
least a little curious about techniques that could
decrease or eliminate your pain without drugs, surgery,
or a lifetime of physical therapies.
…that is, if you’re ready and willing to be free of
your pain.