In my age group–I’m 59–it’s pretty common for people
to have arthritic knees, and to be told by their
doctors that it’s “bone on bone”–meaning the cartilage
is gone, and it’s time for a knee replacement.
I’ve always thought of myself as younger than my
chronological age, so it was quite upsetting to find,
after that Mt. Rainier trip I told you about last
month, I could barely walk due to knee pain. The pain
was even waking me up at night.
Was I getting OLD? Would I be limited for the rest of
my life?
After a month of not getting better, I finally broke
down and went to an MD to see if he could refer me for
physical therapy or even surgery, since I
self-diagnosed both arthritis and a torn meniscus.
He recommended no walks, especially avoiding slopes,
and an intensive program of ibuprofen to get the
inflammation under control.
The surprising result of taking the anti-inflammatory
drugs was not only no improvement in my knees, but
increased pain elsewhere in my body!
After that, I decided it was no good not walking, so
tried going for the lovely walks in nature that I so
enjoy. My knees hurt so much after each one that I felt
quite discouraged.
Then, I went off to a sacred music festival for a few
days.
I love music, so you’d think I’d have been thrilled.
Instead, I found myself feeling awkward, out of place,
and not very open to all the opportunities for
connection.
I scoffed at the free digeridoo sessions being offered
for healing, because to me, nobody external to me could
heal me.
I wasn’t into the network of crystals being placed all
over the land to create an energetic field of love and
healing because to me, my own thought field is so much
more powerful than any external energy, whether it’s
crystals, positions of the planets, sun spots, or
electromagnetic fields from power lines.
I didn’t want a free massage from some stranger.
I knew I’d benefit from stretching, but couldn’t do any
of the yoga that required putting weight on bent knees.
Plus, I felt pretty awkward and stiff since I don’t
practice yoga regularly.
Notice a theme here? RESISTANCE and NEGATIVITY.
This is not exactly the recipe for healing, wouldn’t
you agree?
When I was in my normal home environment, I hadn’t
noticed it, but in a new setting, it was pretty
obvious!
So, how, with all this resistance and negativity going
on, did my knees heal?
My theory is that it was a few significant, blissful
periods of dropping all my resistance — musical
performances that for me, were utterly heart-meltingly
beautiful. I was moved to a state of unconditional
love.
It could just as easily have been the digiridoo, if I’d
been willing to receive the loving intentions of the
young man playing it, and allow the physical vibration
and centuries-old wisdom of Australian aboriginal
people to move me.
It could just as easily been the crystals, if I’d been
open to their subtle energy.
It could just as easily been yoga, or massage, or
dancing, or prayer, or qi gong–anything that I could
have been open to joyfully experiencing and using as my
excuse to let go of my negativity.
It just happens that on this particular summer, the
music was what it took to get me to disarm.
I’m telling you this story so you’ll really get that
even if you worry that you’re chronically critical,
negative, anxious, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed,
scared, feeling out of place, that it doesn’t take a
complete life change for significant healing to occur.
It’s true that for a few days I was away from my
regular environment, my computer and phone.
It’s true that I have had experience of other miracle
healings in my body, and that I often practice
mindfulness and pay attention to what I’m doing with my
attention.
It’s true that I knew that somehow, the condition of my
knees was about my own vibration, even if I could point
to the injurious circumstances of my challenging
mountaineering trip, and the high likelihood that I had
injuries that would show up on medical imaging.
But I think it was the blissful states that allowed the
healing to occur. I’m still listening to CDs of that
music. 🙂
Have you had experiences like this? Please share!
I have felt out of place for my entire adult life, I felt and still feel like I belong somewhere else. Music is an integral part of my life so I listen to it a lot. but for some reason in the last three years I have slacked off despite the fact that I am taking music courses in a university. I guess I need to make it a part important part of my background as I do such mundane tasks as answer e-mail. Music does heal for me at least and it transports me off into another world which is good in this rush, rush world that doesn’t take time to listen.
Good morning love!! ah, resistance and negativity!! During our phone call after our first in person session, I recall feeliing what I termed a rebelliousness. Not surprising this form of resistance has caught my attention off and on since our times last winter. It was not that what information you offerered was not “right”, but that I was experiencing the need to go deeper…..and I faced that first with you. All the way from patterns of resistance of childhood, the need to find and do my own way, I developed ways of puttiing off, ignoring, rationalizing, …..the injustice of my folks going out and me left with brothers and sisters and our dinner dishes…..I would stick all the hard or messier things like pans, out of sight and into the oven. In class I would simply blank out as to any instruction given that did not catch my interest (flunking algebra, A’s in English). I have repeated this pattern of resistance over and over and recently during sessions of instructions of body movements I would go so far being present, taking in information and then the least distraction would have me zoned out.,….all about resistance. Why, now? Whats the positive side of this pattern? I suspect it is a defense mechanism to hold to something of our core being…that becomes habitual when things get tough. Like when we get older. I know from my astrological studies that the fixed signs, Leo/Aquarius, Taurus/Scorpio are the middle of the triplicity, cardinal, fixed and mutable. It is sustaining energy, they hold energy. while the cardinal initiate energy and the mutable fill in the gaps carrying it out like worker bees. No other signs have more difficulty in letting go until we fully empower ourselves with the nature of our purpose and being.
Sometimes we are brought to our knees…literally! In surrender to that which is larger than ourselves, The knees are ruled by Saturn , our parents and how we parent and manage ourselves. Saturn rules the skeletal system. Our bony bodily STRUCTURE.
Saturn brings us the structure for our lives, and with it pressures of responsibility.
Not obvious, at least to conventional medicine so much at this time, is all the soft tissue, tendons, ligaments, muscles, that hold it all together. Music is a healiing gift, vibration, that takes us right to the soul and is not “seen” anymore than the connective tissues , such as thru high tech image-ing.
In your situation, you could not go further without your knees, and in mine, without my hips. I noticed at the end of yoour wonderful presentation that the it had such a “Scorpio” theme. (death, transformation, sharing of resources, etc etc)….My sense was you were so very much “on time”, preparing for your mt climbing journey by leaving us with all your information/wisdom teachings….in case you did not return. We are now in the last weeks of Saturn’s transit thru Scorpio. You have literally moved on….up and down the mt. (entrance mt!?!?) and removed a few boulders in your path .
My healing crisis was, on the outside, all about blood pressure. ……and I have turned that inside and out. Little (big) things like relieving pressure and therefore resistance as well as realizing my need to get back into circulation. the last time I saw the doc. we agreed that moving the bones was best and he gave me a Rx for PT. I was compliant but resistant. And in this case it was good. Taking a stand for myself, I had to walk out of the sessions where stretching and strengthening were their aim. I KNEW this was not appropriate,,,,,,,and had to experience pain strong enough to realize this. My atlas was out and in fact that had been happening quite a bit….(another HBP marker) Enter this summer exactly the right teacher for me…..a woman with strong martial arts background, 25 yrs of teaching yoga, who is now teaching somactics movements and sharing jin shin techniques as well. The movements are designed by Thomas Hanna who brought Feldenkreis, the man, to this country and then went on to refine and add to. Essentially, movements for mind body…..awakening muscles to let go by sending message to brain. I learned of this about 10 years ago….but it has taken a while to connect with it here and now.
I like her analogy of things tangled in a big knot. If you want to untie a knot, you must look at the cord carefully then gently undo the tangle. Yanking on the cord will only make the knot tighter.
If you want to continue mountain climbing, I highly recommend this approach….to address any contracted or constricted muscles. As I work with movements to free up my pelvic structure, I can feel it the effects thru thighs, down to knees and into ankles and feet.
Resistance movements are not new!! I am learning how to turn it all into something posivtive!
Thank you for your gift of sweetness. will go have a listen while I move , with love, Jackie