It’s an interesting thing, the mind.
When you’re in the unhappy mind, you believe that in
order to get to happy, problems must be solved,
conditions must be met, change must happen.
Usually, unhappiness is because of the additional
belief that the problems that must be solved aren’t
easily solved–if they’re possible to solve at all, the
conditions that must be met can’t be easily met–if
they can be met at all, and change that must happen
can’t easily happen, if it can happen at all.
Because of the beliefs in difficulty or impossibility,
one feels trapped in despair, which only makes the
problems, conditions, and existing situations seem
worse and harder to bear.
The step-by-step approach may seem hopeless because
there’s usually such a big gap between the existing
circumstances and the ones you believe must be present
in order for happiness to result. Making small steps
may seem like they would never be enough to get you
there.
But, you usually believe that step-by-step is the only
way to get there because of your beliefs that things
DON’T easily change.
If you believe in the Law of Attraction, you might have
the additional burden of feeling that you’re to blame
for your situation, and because of Law of Attraction,
your unhappiness and negative thinking are making
things much worse.
The trap I see people in every day is the belief that
they, themselves, must change in order for things to
get better. But because they’ve never before been
successful at changing, and they believe deep down that
“people don’t change,” it feels all the more hopeless.
What they don’t know is that the person they think they
are is only an identity they have adopted, and it’s the
identity that’s not going to change.
WHERE THE CHANGE NEEDS TO OCCUR IS AT THE LEVEL OF THE
ONE WHO ADOPTS THE IDENTITY. The “needed” change is to
choose a different identity.
In other words, the scared, frustrated person with the
limiting beliefs that she is not lovable or worthy is
not going to change. No matter how loudly she cries to
be rescued, she will never feel satisfied with the
level of love or assistance that is supplied to her.
That is the nature of the identity.
What is required is for her to recognize that the
scared, frustrated person with the limiting beliefs IS
NOT WHO SHE IS. It’s only an identity she has learned
to live as, just as if she were a character in a movie.
WHO SHE REALLY IS is the one who chooses the adventure
of life in this body, at this time, with this or that
identity. That one who chooses is the one who can
decide that it’s time for a new adventure with
different beliefs, a different identity, a different
body experience. She can choose to let go of beliefs
that no longer serve her.
The one who chooses is a pure, unconditionally loving
essence that continuously expands–meaning, is changing
constantly, but never “needs to be changed.”
What this also means is that there is nothing wrong
anywhere. Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with
anyone else, nothing wrong with situations or
circumstances. Because of your true eternal nature and
its ability to choose, everything else is temporary–in
other words, there really are no problems.
When you feel yourself to be deeply entrenched in your
unhappiness, such that simply distracting yourself with
something funny or beautiful doesn’t work, recognizing
this truth is what allows you to transition from
unhappy to happy.
Then, you can experience the peace, joy, and confidence
of knowing you truly are free to have whatever
experience you choose, and that it is inherently
impossible to make a mistake.
From this perspective, you can also choose a happy
identity.
If your whole lifetime up to now has been in an
identity that’s uptight, unhappy, wounded, anxious,
stressed, sick, angry, bitter, or resentful, it may
take some practice to get comfortable with a happy
identity.
Often, unhappy identities have lots of negative
judgement about happy identities.
You’ve probably met unhappy people who think happy
people are naive, flaky, shortsighted, ignorant,
ungrounded, frivolous, simple-minded. That they ought
to take things more seriously, take off their
rose-colored glasses, get real, face the facts.
That means unhappy people are often suspicious of not
only others’ happiness, but their own happiness.
Many unhappy people associate work–and anything
required to make money–with unhappiness, so that they
are afraid that if they are happy, they won’t be able
to work or be able to earn a living. Or, if they are
working or making money, they unconsciously make
themselves unhappy to match their own beliefs.
Take a look at the videos in the “Shortcut to
Happiness” article, and notice your reaction.
Does watching them make you happy?
Do you admire the work of the people in the videos and
the people singing the background song?
Do you imagine that they were happy making the
recording and the videos, and that they are happy in
their “real lives?”
Do you think the dancers are being frivolous with their
lives, and not doing “real work?”
Do you assume that people who dance or sing for a
living have to choose between being rich and successful
or poor and happy?
What is the identity that is having these opinions and
making these assumptions?
If all this seems too much to think about, just follow
this advice:
If you want to be happy, find happy people that you
admire, and notice what they talk about.
What advice would you give to someone wanting to be
happier? Your comments are welcome!
I find this article deeply thought provoking since it covers a couple of aspects about happiness that I have not considered before. Personally I too have thought for decades about happiness and finally published a book called ‘Daily Happy Living’.
Here are some pointers for those who want to be happier:
The first phase of happiness is about ‘How to achieve Happiness in spite of Circumstances’. The second phase is what I call ‘Happiness Enhancers’ which is about Changing our Circumstances and creating the reality we want!
Happiness enhancers can only help you increase the happiness you already have – if you are unhappy you will find it difficult to succeed at your goals. However most people tend to go after ‘happiness enhancers’ first and find that even after achieving their goals they remain unhappy.
The following advice on how to be happy in spite of the challenges we face daily is taken from the book.
If you wish to be happier first of all realize that:
* You and you alone are in control of your thoughts and it is your thoughts that create your feelings – whether joy, anger or misery. Be aware of your feelings at every instant and check to see what thoughts you are holding on to at that time.
* Then you can choose to replace any negative or unhappy thoughts with more positive ones – because you can only hold one major thought uppermost in your mind at any one time.
* Thus we can choose happy thoughts or sad thoughts or vengeful thoughts – and the more we focus on them the more we create the corresponding feelings of happiness or sorrow or anger .
I would like to end with a quote of mine:
* “Happiness is not ‘out there’ to be pursued and captured but within us to be created and experienced”- Gopi Menon
Dear Gopi,
I love your quote! Thanks for contributing it.
What kind of person do you think of yourself as when you are most successful at replacing sad, vengeful, negative or unhappy thoughts with positive, happy thoughts?
This thing about who I think I am is what has made all the difference to me. That, plus putting on my “to do” list every day the task, “be happy.”
with love and appreciation,
Alexandra
Hello
thank you for your inspiring words i have been in the Massage business for 10 years now and i see that people who are Happy are also always grateful for what they have and they are grateful for the challenges as well
to me I am happiness, joy and peace are closely connected to me being grateful
thank you and have an amazing day
love Therese
Dear Therese,
Thanks so much for sharing what you’ve noticed. I’ve found the same thing: finding things to appreciate makes me happy!
With love and appreciation,
Alexandra
Our self-perception transmits to others. I find that being grateful to others I meet, no matter what they do or have done, changes our relationship. It may be a long term friendship; a casual acquaintance or a moment in a stranger’s life – conveying a sense of pleasure at meeting lasts a lifetime. I’m grateful for all the people I have met and am yet to meet.