What Arises from What?

The other day I was having dinner with a therapist
friend who doesn’t share my views about the power of
the non-physical aspect of the self. She’s a realist,
she says. Interested in the tangible, here-and-now. The
mind, from her view, arises from the brain. God is a
creation of humanity. What can’t be seen isn’t real.

She argued that my beliefs about quantum physics are
based on information that’s controversial—there are
scientists who disagree, and have evidence to back
their positions.

It was interesting to hear her perspective, because for
such a long time I’ve surrounded myself with people who
believe as I do, or I’ve avoided this topic with those
I knew held religious views that differed from my own.

I learned decades ago that it’s pretty pointless to
argue with scientists to “prove” that God, or any other
non-physical power is real. Science is its own
religion, with its own set of unprovable premises.
These are all unprovable, as far as I can see:

– that there is objective truth that can
be discovered on the basis of evidence.

– that it is possible to remove all bias
from scientific experiments.

– that there is some method that can be
done by, or observed by humans, that is
free from influence by anyone involved.

Eventually I asked her about her beliefs about herself.
Did she believe that they were simply the product of
her brain, based solely on her genes and conditioning,
without any possibility of her intervention or choice?

In this case, what is the point of therapy?

Is it just to learn to live with our limiting beliefs?
(Personally, I find that discovering and accepting our
limiting beliefs is the first step to peace and change,
even if we weren’t aiming to change them!)

She agreed with me that beliefs can change, and that
she is in charge of choosing her own beliefs now, even
if their roots were with her conditioning.

Since we could think of no way to prove that beliefs
are not creative–that they are not self-fulfilling
prophecies, and she agreed that she is the one who
chooses her own beliefs, I had a question.

Why would you choose to believe something
about yourself that is painful, stressful,
anxiety-producing, and interferes with
what you want in your life?

Why, indeed.

So, I’m going to ask you the same question.

When you look at your intentions for yourself, whether
they are New Year’s resolutions, to-do lists,
“shoulds,” themes, or goals, and you honestly answer
the question of WHY you intend to do each of these
things, how often is the true underlying answer based
on a painful, stressful, anxiety-producing belief that
if creative, would interfere with what you want in your
life?

And, why would you continue to choose those beliefs?

Here are some examples.

1. Mary wants to lose 30 pounds. She says it’s because
she wants to enjoy her body and life more. But
underneath is the belief that as she is, she’s
disgusting and unacceptable.

If that belief is creative, it will produce the
result that no matter what she action she takes,
she will find herself disgusting and unacceptable.

Will losing 30 pounds give her the experience of
satisfaction and self-acceptance she really wants?
And, what effect will that belief have on her
success with her new diet and exercise program?

2. Scott wants to make lots of money in real estate
investing. With all that money, he’ll be able to
be a generous sponsor of community programs, be a
mentor to others, be the king of his own domain.

He says he’s really enjoying learning all about
this new business, loves the promise of all the
money he’ll make, loves the excitement of engaging
with all the people. It’s worth losing sleep,
forgetting about meditating and healthy eating.
The money he’ll make is going to solve all his
problems!

But underneath, Scott is using his new mentor and
training program to feed his need for attention,
importance, excitement and fantasy, because his
real belief is that he doesn’t really deserve to
have money.

If that belief is creative, it will produce the
result that no matter what action he takes, he
will continue to push money away because he
believes he doesn’t deserve to have it.

Will his new real estate investing program ever
give him any more than the perpetual promise of
lots of money that never comes, or never stays?

3. Erin intends to solve her allergy problem. She
is going to be heroic and flawless in avoiding
all the offending foods and substances, get all
her amalgam fillings removed, do a major
cleansing program.

But underneath, Erin feels very insecure and
anxious because she believes the world is full
of dangers, and that her particular body is
genetically vulnerable.

If that belief is creative, it will produce the
result that no matter how much effort she puts
into avoiding and removing dangerous things, she
will keep finding that the world is full of
dangers to which she feels inescapably vulnerable.

Will her new efforts give her the feelings of
wellness, freedom and security she really wants?

None of this implies that the efforts of our friends
Mary, Scott, and Erin are wasted. Often, the power of
organized action increases one’s confidence to the
point that one gains the courage to acknowledge and
challenge those underlying beliefs.

The point is that the real power to experience what you
truly want lies in your beliefs.

When Mary recognizes that what she really wants is to
feel satisfied and acceptable, she asks herself, “what
beliefs would a person have to have in order to feel
satisfied and acceptable?”

When Scott recognizes that what he really wants is to
feel is important, engaged, powerful, and excited about
his life, he asks himself, “what beliefs would a person
have to have in order to feel important, engaged,
powerful, and excited about his life?”

When Erin recognizes that what she really wants is to
feel is safe, she asks herself, “what beliefs would a
person have to have in order to feel safe?”

Instead of telling you their answers, I’m going to
leave you with the questions. If they are relevant to
you, I invite you to answer them yourself.

In a few days, I’ll tell you about something that then
could help you get from any beliefs of yours that are
standing in your way to those you would have to have to
feel the way you really want to feel.

In the meantime, enjoy pondering your answers!

With love and appreciation,
Dr. Alexandra Gayek