Once upon a time, I was hospitalized for surgery on a
broken wrist. In the last few months, I’ve had a
colonoscopy and a mammogram. I’m guessing my experience
of feeling like my personhood was stripped the moment I
put on the hospital gown is not unique to me.
Suddenly, I was “just a patient.”
A similar thing happened my first day in medical
school. One day, I was an adult who had accomplished
all sorts of things, had meaningful experience, skills
and talents. The next day, I was a lowly first year
student, who “knew nothing.”
A colleague at the annual Naturopathic Convention a
couple of weeks ago shared what he had found one of the
most valuable pearls from his medical education: that
the standard, traditional model of medicine, at least
here in the US, is an “adult-child” model.
In that model, the doctor is the adult and the patient
is the child. The doctor is the “all knowing” adult who
tells the patient–viewed as a child who is incapable
of understanding the complexities of his or her own
body, of medical language, and of procedures–what to
do.
Patient questions and challenges are treated exactly as
if the patient really were a young child unworthy of
respect or being taken seriously–with impatience and
annoyance, as if any attempt by the patient to behave
as an adult is laughable, and an intrusion on the
doctor’s time.
The patient usually feels powerless. Is it any wonder
so many people don’t like hospitals?
An intermediate model is the “adult-adolescent” model.
Here, the patient is viewed as if he or she has some
ability to understand, but is still not trusted to know
or act in his or her own best interest. The doctor
still–supposedly–knows what’s best for the patient.
But instead of coercing without question, the doctor in
this model takes the role of scaring, scolding,
nagging, belittling the patient’s choices and values if
they do not match what the doctor believes is best.
The patient usually feels some urge to rebel. Is it any
wonder so many people are averse to doctors?
The most unusual model is the “adult-adult” model.
Here, the patient is viewed as an equal, intelligent
human being, whose values and choices are worthy of
full respect. The doctor’s role is to provide
information, encouragement, and support for the patient
in discovering and using his or her own inner guidance
to apply the available information according to his or
her own values.
The patient usually feels empowered, and takes
ownership of his or her own health.
It’s taken me a long time to understand the ways in
which I have unconsciously, subtly and sometimes
blatantly behaved according to the first two models.
It’s not surprising, given this usually unquestioned
and unspoken aspect of medical training–both as a
patient and as a doctor.
When you think about your own experience and
expectations of doctors, which model is most familiar
to you?
Which is most helpful to you?
What I’ve found when I’m the one who is experiencing
health challenges is that in acute situations, I do
want to be taken care of and told what to do, as if I
were a child. For about five minutes (or as long as
surgery takes.)
Then, I notice how uncomfortable I feel, and how out of
synch this feels to my belief that I really am the
creator of my own reality, that I am very much involved
in the manifestations of my body, that my body is not
just a machine I can turn over to some expert who can
“fix” me.
It takes practice to keep this awareness at the
forefront of my consciousness. It’s easy to fall prey
to the influence of advertising and culture saying that
the solution to my problems lies outside of myself.
That I must seek some medicine, some therapy, some
powerful person who can fix me.
In other words, I am not enough.
Does this happen to you?
It’s tempting and economically profitable to give
people what they think they need–tests, medicine,
procedures. (And tempting as the patient, to seek and
settle for this.)
As a doc, it’s much more challenging to stick to the
real work of doctor-as-teacher. That work is to persist
in seeing the patient as the magnificent creator he or
she is, and to assist him or her in awakening and
employing his or her own intuition, inner guidance, and
knowing of his or her true power.
As a person desiring greater health, it’s much more
challenging to stick to doing the real work of shifting
your consciousness and vibration so that vibrant health
is the natural result, instead of trying to hand off
your power to someone else.
It takes courage and practice to truly believe that you
are enough, and to find health care practitioners who
will mirror this, and not your illness, back to you.
Because we doctors are trained and licensed to find and
solve problems, and most of our patients expect us to
take that role, even those of us who prefer the
empowerment approach to medicine sometimes need to be
reminded.
Ask your doctor for this. You might find support you
didn’t know was possible.
loved this post, Dr. Gayek!!
my father who is in his early 80s has been an aeronautical engineer… headed up team that designed parachute that landed Pathfinder on Mars!
yet when it comes to medical topics, he simply defers to “whatever the doctor says” without any questions. seems to have a conscious desire to not clutter his mind with any of that… just asks the doc and does whatever they tell him. like a child.
doesn’t want me asking him even simple questions that he has to think about and make decisions for himself.
i’m sooo grateful that times have changed and my generation (boomer, of course) and hopefully those younger are examining these issues that you laid out so nicely in this article. good job bringing these concepts out for observation, thought and discussion!
thanks!! 😀
Hi Suz,
Thanks so much for your comment. The power of culture and habitual thinking is really something, isn’t it! In a way, it makes life simpler to decide what’s true once, and never question it. It’s just that it doesn’t always allow for new results. I’m so glad you feel more empowered!
With warm appreciation,
Alexandra
I am completely freaked out by doctors. Approaching 60, I have never had a colonoscopy, mammogram or even a physical in 25 years. I have an intuitive relationship with my body. I believe in its power to resolve whatever is bothering me if I do what is asked of me. For instance, skip dinner if I have an uncomfortable sensation in my stomach. Another: don’t use soap unless there is actual dirt on my skin. There are many others. When I hear of someone getting a “diagnosis” I feel extremely bad for them, for it is a powerful curse that those words put on a person. Another way of looking at their ordeal might be “initiation”.
Hi Andrea,
Thanks for your comment. I apologize for the delay in responding to you. Good for you for trusting your body!
I agree with you that sometimes a diagnosis makes it harder to allow healing to occur, because when something is named, it sometimes seems to become more real, and “takes on a life of its own” in the mind of the one who’s been given the diagnosis. I like your idea of thinking of illness as a sort of initiation. Can you say more about this?
On the other hand, sometimes a diagnosis can be a huge relief. I’ve seen plenty of people who have gotten themselves into a state of great fear over a condition they’ve heard about, and when they find the actual diagnosis is much less “serious” than they had feared, and easily treatable, it really helps them to relax and get better quickly.
In any case, I think it’s always helpful to think of any condition that is showing up, whether as symptoms or as a diagnosed illness, as only a temporary appearance that can be changed. That perspective seems to lighten it up, and break the “spell” of the fear.
With warm appreciation,
Alexandra
Great article!
Personally, I have had so many negative experiences with doctors (haven’t found a good one yet) that I’ve pretty much given up ever going to the doctor again. That can be a good thing, and it can be a not so good thing. I’m really working on my mindset of believing I am in perfect health, but that’s kind of hard when some health issues are screaming “Pay attention to me!”
If I could find a good doctor who would really listen to me rather than listen half-heartedly and then give me scripts, I would go. But too many doctors already get it into their head what’s “wrong” with you after only listening to you for two minutes. I’ve had doctors diagnose me with something I knew for a fact I didn’t have, but I couldn’t convince them, so now it’s on my medical records. I’ve had doctors give me dangerous meds that I have refused to take because of the serious side-effects. I’m very proactive in my own healthcare and do my research. I don’t go in with a know-it-all attitude, but I do want to know what I’m talking about and want to know what the doctor is talking about.
In Tennessee, holistic/homeopathic doctors are not permitted to practice unless it’s as a complimentary side to their MD license, but even then, it’s almost impossible to find them if they do exist.
Our medical community needs a huge overhaul, but I don’t see that happening real soon. Doctors like you are rare and too far and few between. Thank you for all you do!
Dear Karen,
Thanks so much for your letter. I apologize for taking a while to respond!
Sounds like you’ve had quite the adventure in the world of medicine. I’m in the thick of rewriting The Science of Being Well, and I think you’ll really enjoy the result. Meanwhile, you’re always welcome to set up a coaching session with me to see if I can help you out. The link to register is http://www.scienceofbeingwell.net/consult.
It could be that you’ve just attracted what you want. 🙂
With warm appreciation,
Alexandra